Control vs. Autonomy
The Good Game Theory
The world is full of conflict. I believe conflict is a matter of control. If we could just get them to do what we want, everything would be fine. I’m sure they are saying the same thing about us as well. This is most obvious with politics, but also common in relationships. I’m sure we can all think of a loved 1 that we wish we could act a certain way, but just can’t. There is 1 person we have ultimate control of in every situation that we often neglect, & that is ourselves.
Autonomy is the art of managing yourself by taking responsibility & accountability by accepting the consequences of your own decisions & actions. I believe this is what we all crave & often confuse with control because it is a specific form of control: self-control.
According to Erik Erikson, the psychosocial stage of autonomy is developed so early for us that we don’t consciously remember, between age 1 & 3. When properly encouraged, people develop confidence here. When over-controlled or criticized, shame & doubt take over.
For those that had a perfect childhood growing up, go buy your parents an award or something 🏆. But for the rest of us, some repairs may need to be made for the subconscious brokenness that occurred in our growth. Jesus taught that we can’t enter the Kingdom of God without once again becoming as a little child (Luke 18:17). To me that means to play the way we should have when we couldn’t.
Carl Rogers’ humanistic approach to psychology considers free will as a person’s full conscious control of their own destiny. Acceptance of this can be empowering & terrifying at the same time. After doing something ridiculous, Steve Urkel would ask in his high-pitched voice ‘Did I do that?,’ (for those of us old enough to remember Family Matters). Yes, Steve, you did. We all just saw you. Sometimes I make a move so bad that I want to ask the same thing when I already know the answer. Embracing the consequences of your own decisions is crucial to the maturation process. By the end of the game, the lesson will always be that we may not be able to control the world, but we can control our own destiny.